suffering

The Lord Remembered

restoreroflostvoices

But I (Hannah) have poured out my soul before the Lord . . . and the Lord remembered her. 
I Samuel 1: 15, 19 NASB

     The small waif had prayed for a sister. She already had two brothers to tend to when her mother worked. Rules and responsibilities were dished out with her scrappy fists. It didn’t matter that they’d be nine years apart. Braids and ponytails could win a few rounds. Life was a competition, basketball slam dunks, bicycle burn marks, ramps, and Evel Knievel jumps.
     When another brother was born, she put on her best smile and dressed him in doll’s clothes. Her opposition didn’t last. She soon became her brother’s hero, a warrior who defended him. Camouflage bruises matched her mask; however, she didn’t feel a thing. 
     I understood the angst and preparations that Hannah must have made before her yearly trek. Her stomach in knots and nerves short, she most likely dressed with discretion to avoid attention. And she dodged the meddlesome traveler. 
     Questions, comments, and subtle tones often circle with loss and the famine and feast. Loneliness prevails, and trust and confidence dwindle. Who is apt to raise an eyebrow, offer a shaming condolence, or dismiss our thoughts and feelings? 
     Hannah’s mountain climb was hard without the yearlong baggage.
God had closed Hannah’s womb. But she resolved to make the pilgrimage with empty hands. Then Hannah’s husband minimized her hurt and her greatest rival, his other wife, taunted her. Hannah wept in despair and bitterness. She silently begged God for mercy and special attention. Her husband thought she was intoxicated, but she couldn’t eat or drink! 
     Years had gone by. Many festive celebrations had brought more of the same. Pain upon pain. All seemed hopeless . . . her obedience, purpose, and sacrifice. Her heart also slammed shut.
     Hannah no longer wanted to participate. The feast magnified her want!  
And the Lord remembered Hannah. Her resolve to be faithful to the Lord gifts her a son.  
     A sister recalls her prayers, and is grateful for her younger brother who now defends her. A widow grieves her husband’s touch and silent nights. Sunday afternoons are the worst. A single man laments his youth. He’s never had to pack a lunch for another; most nights he eats alone. Likewise, a mother recalls the child she’d once walked to school. His room is spotless. No crumbs to sweep. Suffering makes it hard to join the feast. 
     Our culture, and I dare say our churches, don’t handle the expression of our emotions well. We are inclined to fix, admonish, or distant ourselves from that which makes us uncomfortable. But Hannah wasn’t afraid to be undone before the Lord. She sets an example in her struggle. And she returns her gift to the giver. She dedicates her newborn to the Lord. 
     God fills us with desires and purpose, and He calls us to community and accountability. Let us walk side-by-side.
     Our Lord remembers us. He prepares a feast, fellowship with Him and others.  The invitations have been sent, and the table is set. Will we come?

In this season of unrest, I encourage you to be faithful to the Lord.

Be blessed by Him,

Lily Mae


Circles of Grace

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Mosaic

Providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil…
Psalm 94:13 (The Message)

We met by chance and walked the track together a few years back.  Two mothers at the end of their ropes…trying to find our way as we parented freedom seekers.  And at the end of the miles we weren’t any wiser.  But we shared our burdens and unloaded our baggage. We felt lighter as everything spilled out…fears, worries, shame, guilt, and hope had been voiced and intertwined.  As we were leaving, she hesitated, surprise written across her face, and said, “You make people want to be in your space.” I gasped and grinned wide.  Her words were a balm, a gift of healing.  Gratitude filled my heart for she had done the same. We had walked circles of grace! And as I drove home, I pondered the significance of our open spaces.

How do we welcome others into our space… and do we?  Or do we close ourselves off because we are uncomfortable with our differences?  Are we afraid of opening doors, and having nothing to say?  Or worst yet, saying the wrong thing, and having them slammed shut?  Fear builds walls when we focus on what sets us apart, rather than digging deep to find our common ground.

Humanity encompasses a mosaic of pain and suffering, survival and thriving, and beauty and restoration.  Each experience is necessary, and has a place in creating the larger masterpiece.  The broken, shattered, old, useless, ugly, ruined rubbish… and the gems… all fit together.  Nothing is wasted as our Master Creator, our common ground, lives and moves within.  His reflection will be seen in our lives as each piece is contributed to His work of art!

Everyone whose heart stirred him and everyone whose spirit moved him came and brought the Lord’s contribution for the work of the tent of meeting and for all its service and for the holy garments….He has filled them with skill to perform every work of an engraver and of a designer and of an embroiderer, in blue and in purple and in scarlet material, and in fine linen, and of a weaver, as performers of every work and makers of designs.
Exodus 35: 21, 35(NASB)

We will experience difficulties and seasons of suffering, but shouldn’t have to bear them alone.  Casting aside fear, we choose to walk along side others.  Our presence speaks grace as we make eye contact and don’t turn away.  With open minds we listen, and ease into understanding.  We cease the striving, and hope to learn something new.  These are sacred moments as we meet in the middle and set aside our rights.  Like Jesus, we don’t flinch!  And we ask ourselves, “How old is our soul, our capacity to be an open vessel? Old and wise enough to learn something new? ”  We pray it is so!

We may need to stay the extra hour after a meeting, and sacrifice our time.  Or we may have to take the long way home, and drive a little slower.  Building trust isn’t easy…but  if  we commit to hearing, and don’t give up, understanding will come.  We don’t always have to be on the same page.  It’s more important to make our space an open place for conversations to begin!  As we reflect Christ, relationships will be healed and reconciled.

Living circles of grace,

Lily Mae